God is Teaching Me…

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes:-)

Yesterday morning, I sat down in front of my computer for an hour and puzzled about what I should write about for my blog. I’ve never had writer’s block before, but for some reason, for the life of me, I couldn’t find a suitable idea.

Here’s the thing: I care about you guys so so so much. So every week I want to write the perfect post that encourages you and centers your focus on Jesus and absolutely blows you out of the water, but the reality is that I can’t be perfect, and sometimes posts just don’t land well.

Anyway, back to yesterday morning. I was sitting on my bed, obsessing over what God has taught me in the last few weeks. I looked through my journal, my notes, my bible. Nothing.

I ended up going to work, disappointed and annoyed at myself, still clueless. I tried to listen to worship music on the way, wracking my brain for some fragment of meaning I could find from any of the songs and stretch into a blog post.

At work, I asked for your help (on social media) for some ideas. I felt utterly humiliated for being a writer, a weekly blogger, and not knowing what the heck to write about. But I think God kept my mind empty on purpose, because a dear friend of mine reached out to me and suggested: a simple senior year update.

I’ve had so much on my mind lately, it’s hard to pick apart a single idea and present it to you flawless. God has been teaching me so much through the people around me, the songs I’ve listened to, the beauty of nature and the conversations I’ve had, there’s too much to boil down to a basic idea.

So instead of trying to perfect my message this morning, I’m going to attempt something much more messy and far more genuine: all the things God has been teaching me lately. A simple senior year update. Life is so messy, so this blog post is going to be messy, too;)

Looking through my notes yesterday, I found some thoughts I’ve had on what God has been teaching me recently.

Over Christmas break, God was teaching me to root myself in him rather than worldly things, like graduation and soccer and the musical and my book release month and going to school.

Over Christmas break, God also challenged me. I had these two awesome women, recently graduated from college, come into my work to buy a few things. And as I checked out their items, we started chatting—about what I don’t remember. I remember her saying, “we love Jesus” and I looked up and smiled and said, “me too!” And they practically cheered for me, which isn’t something that’s really ever happened. I thought they were so cool.

Then, they asked if they could pray for me and I said yes. So in the middle of the evening, in the Colorado Store in an outlet mall, these two women prayed for me. And when they finished, one of the girls told me she felt like God wanted me to know something. He wanted me to partner with Him in everything—like everything. He wanted to partner with me in the musical, when I edit and when I sing, when I dance and write, when I’m on the field running laps or when I’m sitting in class, when I’m talking with my friends in the hall and when I’m eating lunch alone.

And I thought that was beautiful.

And on Friday, worship class gave a chapel to the student body and I got to share a testimony. I was pretty stressed that morning, though I’m not usually nervous to share with people, so it was a little weird. I wrote it out the night before, and practiced it during all of first period. I had this headache, pounding in the back of my head all morning–probably from nerves.

Finally, chapel came, and I got up in front of everyone and shared a short testimony. I tried memorizing most of it, but I messed it up a little bit. It came and went. We worshiped after that, and my headache melted away. We sang “The Blessing.” I’ll link it to the bottom because it’s so good.

And all day after that so many people thanked me for sharing. I didn’t think it was that great, personally, but I prayed God would speak through me and I guess he did. And I think that’s beautiful, too.

Here’s what I wrote:

“Two years ago, I was in my first ever relationship. My ex was a strong Christian, a friend from youth group, athletic, driven—everything I hoped for in a guy. I dreamed of my wedding day and having my own family, and although they were distant events, ambitious for a sophomore, I decidedly put my hope into that relationship and dream of mine. I’ve always had this dream–and I don’t think I’m alone in this passion–but I’ve always so desperately wanted my own family, my own cute little house with a white picket fence, my own godly husband, my own dog named Safari or something cute like that. I saw my boyfriend at the time as a ticket into that dream. And soon, I found myself putting my identity and hope in that relationship—my confidence, my beauty, and my worth.

Nine months later, that relationship ended. I was devastated. I felt ripped away from my confidence and happiness. I honestly thought I’d never be good enough to be married, to have a family, to have that cute little white house like I’d always dreamed. I didn’t believe I was good enough for any of it.

And I realized I had put my hope into something that failed me, something that left me broken and alone. While it wasn’t wrong to stay hopeful during that relationship, I shouldn’t have put all my confidence, trust, and hope into that one person. Having a family is such a huge dream of mine, I tried to take that dream into my own hands instead of submitting it to God. And as a result, I was left brokenhearted and farther from my dream than I had been before.

 But God knows what I want, and more importantly, he knows what I need. He is not blind to my dreams–in fact, he even cares about them. And putting my hope–my dreams and plans–in his hands is a solid foundation. Trusting God to be good is like trusting the sky to be the sky, the wind to be wind, the ocean to be the ocean.

I put all my hope in a previous relationship.

Now, my hope is in Christ.”

I have such a cool family at LuHi, and I’m going to miss them so much when I graduate. They listened so well and I felt so encouraged that day.

Some of the things God has taught me recently are too small to even make into a fully blog post.

Things like “Regret looks back. Fear looks around. Worry looks in. Faith looks up.” Things like the fact that God is an incredible artist—how he paints the sunrises and sunsets everyday is enough to make me cry. Things like how to hold my tongue in arguments, how to let others be better at something than me, how to lose well. How to love others even if I disagree with their worldview, their actions, and their lifestyle. How to get down on my knees and be real in front of God. How to let go of being perfect. How to reconcile with those around me.

So there you. My struggles, thoughts, and feelings over the last few weeks. What God has been teaching me, and is still teaching me now.

A simple senior year update:-)

Published by Annabelle Healy

Once the 17-year-old fantasy author who spent most of her time goofing around with her 5 younger siblings, Annabelle Healy is now 20, married, and living in a teeny apartment off in Colorado Springs. Time flies doesn't it? If there's one thing that hasn't changed, it's her love for Jesus and writing - and between her weekly faith blog and novels in-the-works, you can count on fun storytelling (no matter what).

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