Estimated reading time: 8 minutes:)
So this is it: the last post in my red flags/green flags dating series!
Gotta say, I’ve had a blast writing these, talking with friends and family surrounding this topic, and talking with God about them. I’ve learned so much in the last few weeks myself!
Before we dive into the 8 Green Flags to look for in Christian women, don’t forget to check out my previous posts. You can read them here:
Anyway, let’s jump in. Without further adieu: here are 8 Green Flags to look for in Christian women:
We’ve all heard about the Proverbs 31 woman.
I wanted to start this blog by prefacing: the truest “green flags” to look for in a Christian woman are detailed in the Bible.
Guys, if you’re looking for the signs of a godly woman who loves the Lord, I really hope this blog post is encouraging and insightful. But start with the word. My words fall short compared to God’s, and only God can provide a godly wife for you in his timing!
Ladies, I hope this post provides a list of personal goals you can work towards, but again: the best place to find out who God wants you to be is the Bible. Trust that the “green flags” God wants you to become are in your best interest, and start following his commandments for you. It will always pay off.
To start us off, I straight up copy + pasted Proverbs 31 😂 It’s a little bit long, but I wanted to start on the right foot. I highly suggest reading through it before you look through the green flags I came up with!! (Mostly because I pulled all the green flags listed here from Proverbs 31 itself hahaha).
Here’s Proverbs 31:10-31 ~
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Now that you’ve read through Proverbs 31, let’s dive into the green flags I pulled from scripture and my experience as a Christian woman myself! I’m far from perfect, but I’ve worked hard to turn some red flags into green ones (all by the grace of God), and I’m eager to share what I’ve learned.
Here they are, 8 Green Flags to look for in Christian women:
✅ 1 ~ She handles emotions well
You know the stereotype: women have always been viewed as emotional, dramatic, ridiculous at times, and sensitive.
I think the key as a Christian woman is not denying our emotional nature. It’s learning to submit it to God’s will.
Ladies, being emotional is not a flaw. God designed us with complex emotions and hormones, and it is not wrong for us to have big feelings.
It’s what we do with those emotions that demonstrates our character.
I get it, when it’s that time of the month, little things can trigger you easier. Your patience may grow thin. You might just need a good cry. But using the way God designed us to justify sin is never okay. And we can’t let our emotions control us to the point of being hurtful or harmful.
Guys, there may be times when a girl just needs her space, but if she can’t handle her emotions and takes it out on you in fits of rage or manipulation, be cautious. A sign of maturity is a woman who doesn’t allow her emotions to cause her to do hurtful things in a heated moment.
A huge part of emotional maturity is learning how to communicate well.
A lot of women will say they “just want a guy who can read them.” A guy who’s sensitive to their emotions. A guy who will notice if they’re upset, angry, or sad.
It is true, guys should develop a level of emotional awareness that will grow in your relationship. But a godly woman will also be willing to communicate how she’s feeling. It’s not fair to blame a guy for not noticing when you haven’t said a word about how you feel. Communication is key.
✅ 2 ~ When she says, “I’ll pray for you,” she means it
It’s embarrassing to admit, but in the past I’ve said “I’ll pray for you” and forgotten to pray. Sometimes it’s just a simple mistake of forgetting. But if a woman makes a habit of saying she’ll pray, and neglects to pray later, it might be a smaller symptom of a greater issue in overcommitment and untrustworthiness.
Praying for someone you told you’d pray for is a small commitment. But it demonstrates in a tiny way how a woman follows through on her promises when no one is watching, which I believe is very telling of someone’s character.
Think about it: no one can keep you accountable to pray for that person you promised you would. Your only witness is God. No one would notice if you forgot, and there are no consequences to forgetting.
But staying true to that promise ~ going out of your way to pray for that person, even just briefly ~ acting faithful even when no one is looking ~ caring so deeply about others you take time out of your day to think of them ~ these are the subtle marks of a godly woman.
I’ve had to work hard at this one!
I actually keep a note in my notes app on my phone with ongoing prayer requests, shared with one of my best friends. We add to the list, delete prayer requests that have been answered, and keep each other accountable. It’s helped me out of that rut of promising to pray for someone and then forgetting, so maybe it’ll work for you too!
And guys: pay attention to the little things. I know it’s hard to know if she really is praying for the people she says she is, but this just an example of the little things that actually mean a lot when you’re looking for a godly spouse.
Look for small evidence of faithfulness and following through with commitment ~ and you will find a women who will be faithful with the biggest commitments of her life.
✅ 3 ~ She has opinions… and shares them with wisdom and kindness
Women should have strong opinions, convictions, and beliefs about the big things in life ~ but how she shares them should demonstrate wisdom and kindness.
This goes for both genders, but I think specifically for women, there are some people who believe our opinions are less valid than a man’s. Which is frustrating. But from this lie that women’s opinions are inferior to men’s, there comes an angry response from a lot of women. And this counter-culture can be harmful as well.
Let me be clear: a woman’s opinions are just as valid as any guy’s. Her mind is no less intelligent, mysterious, or wonderful. In fact, guys, if a woman doesn’t have opinions on anything, I’d consider that a red flag. Each of us should know what we believe and why ~ being a passive doormat is not the way to go.
But ~ how a woman expresses those opinions is vital.
Does she argue with jabbing remarks, become defensive when you question her position, and allow her anger to get the best of her?
Or does she share her opinions** with kindness and gentleness, discern when the appropriate time to share comes up, and hold her ground with respect while maintaining an open mind?
**Guys, this also calls for you to provide a safe space for your SO to share her opinions. If she feels uncomfortable sharing her convictions because you constantly shame, argue, or question her, she might not feel safe sharing what she believes.
A godly woman will know when to speak, what to say, and how to say it (tone of voice and all). Pay attention to how she shares her convictions.
✅ 4 ~ She’s knows her worth (and how she’s worth pursuing)
A godly woman will have a close, intimate relationship with Jesus ~ and from that relationship comes an awareness of her worth, which is far greater than diamonds or rubies.
Every woman has insecurities, but a woman who knows Jesus can take those insecurities and exchange them with the truth God says about her.
A woman who lets her insecurities consume her, degrading her worth and allowing guys to take advantage of her, is a woman who probably isn’t ready for a relationship.
It is from a deep understanding of her worth that a woman establishes boundaries, protects her heart, and discerns what behaviours are inexcusable.
In short: if a woman know her worth, she knows what not to put up with. She knows she’s worth pursuing. She knows her high standards are not “too high.”
Guys, pursuing a woman who knows she’s worth pursuing is so much more rewarding. Instead of rejecting your efforts or idolizing your pursuit (because she feels undeserving of any pursuit, even God’s), she will respond with thankfulness, gentleness, and most importantly: pursuit back.
✅ 5 ~ She shows she can provide & prepare well
This is one green flag I pulled specifically from Proverbs 31, and I think it’s beautifully demonstrated there.
A godly wife will be able to prepare and provide for her household ~ so how does a woman do that now, before she’s married?
I thought about some practical signs guys can look for in a woman that show a mature level of responsibility. Here are a few I came up with:
Finances: how does she steward her finances? Does she prepare for big expenses? Does she put savings away?
Relationships: Is she intentional with her friendships, providing quality time and the other love languages to the other people in her life? If she doesn’t provide the necessary things in a friendship now, she’s probably not ready to provide in a dating relationship.
Career: If she knows what career she wants, what is she doing now to prepare for that?
More abstractly, how is a woman preparing for the winters in her life?
I think this is an insightful question we can all ask ourselves. If a season of lower income is approaching, or you’re switching to long distance, or you’re scheduled to work on Sunday mornings and can’t go to church anymore ~ how are you preparing for that season ahead? Are you stocking your home with firewood and food, or are you just waiting for the cold to come?
Preparation is situational, but a godly woman will do the hard work beforehand to see the fruit later.
✅ 6 ~ She honors how men are wired
This one is 🎶 so important 🎶
Men are wired visually, which means they can be triggered by visuals much easier than women. And not only understanding that about men, but honoring them through that, is the mark of a godly woman.
Practically, honoring the way men are wired can look like modesty. I addressed modesty in my Red Flags post for women, so you can read it more in depth there. But here I’ll just say: If you know men are triggered by certain visuals, you have no excuse to wear clothing that is triggering.
**I highly suggest you check out the red flags post for women, specifically the section on modesty. This topic has a lot of clarification I address there.
A lot of women think modesty can be thrown out the window with their boyfriend or fiance.
If anything, modesty is even more important here! Your SO is obviously attracted to you, and tempting them before marriage with your clothing is harmful.
Honoring the way men are wired can look different too. It might look like honoring your SO by not putting him in tempting situations (like making out). It might look like discussing boundaries that work for both of you ~ and discussing what trigger points you both have. It may just look like refraining from making dirty jokes if they make his thoughts drift in the wrong direction.
Honoring men can look a lot like naivety. I know the frustration of refraining from a sexual joke or choosing modesty and being told “aww you’re so innocent.” Make no mistakes, I’m not innocent 😂 I just choose to avoid certain topics, outfits, or activities because I know they don’t honor guys.
A godly women will seek how to honor you best. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t guard your heart well.
✅ 7 ~ She’s quick to apologize, fast to forgive
I may have stolen this from a recent podcast I listened to (you can check out the Fierce Marriage podcast here, so good!).
I love this phrase because it addresses both when we do something wrong, and when our SO does something wrong.
I know I talked about apologizing in last week’s post about green flags in guys, but I wanted to take a new angle on it here because it’s just that important.
Apologizing when you hurt your SO (doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong here) requires humility and denial of self. It also requires self awareness to know when you’ve messed up, as well as maturity to admit you’ve fallen short.
Couples who never apologize to each other will only foster bitterness, because you’re going to fail each other at some point.
But imagine a relationship where your SO apologized to you first, before you had to bring up how they hurt you. You’d be able to build security in one another, openness, and humility.
On the flip side, forgiving fast is also necessary for a healthy relationship.
They say date with your eyes open and marry with your eyes closed. Which means pay attention to all the red and green flags when you’re dating. Keep track. Decide if you want to marry this person with eyes wide open to their flaws.
But when you are married, when you’ve made that commitment… it’s for life. Your spouse will let you down. But you can’t just “break up” with them because they forgot to load the dishwasher. So keep your eyes closed. Forgive fast.
Guys, a woman who apologizes quickly and forgives fast is a keeper. Work on those attributes yourself, and you’ll be the dream team.
✅ 8 ~ She loves Jesus (more than she’ll ever love you)
I saved the best for last!!
Guys and girls: our God is the Lord. Our savior is Jesus. The one who sits on the thrones of our hearts should forever be Christ. Nothing should take his place.
It’s easy to find someone who “loves” Jesus. Meaning, they go to church, but live a life otherwise unchanged by the gospel.
A girl who really LOVES Jesus will probably scare you a bit. Because her greatest allegiance is to Jesus. And she will do what He wants her to do (even if that intimidates you).
She will encourage you to grow closer to Christ yourself. In her wild, intimate relationship with Jesus she will put you in a position where you can’t afford distance from Christ. Because in order for you to reach her heart, you must abide in Christ’s first. Pursuing a godly woman, a woman who LOVES Jesus, will require you on your knees at the cross, on the same page with her best friend.
Guys, if a woman ever tells you that you’re number 1 in her life ~ she probably means well, but her priorities are out of wack.
But a woman who will never love you more than Jesus is a keeper.
Think about it: being second ensures you are not burdened with the task of being your girlfriend’s only safe space, security, comfort, treasure, or identity. Because she finds those things in God. Being second makes you a gift instead of an idol.
Those are all the green flags I have for now!! I’m sad to finish this topic because I had so much fun writing it, but I’m stoked to dive into a new series next week:).
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Jesus loves you friend! Have an awesome weekend:).