Estimated reading time: 14 minutes
Hello lovely people!
Before we dive into the 8 Green Flags to look for in Christian women, don’t forget to check out my previous posts. You can read them here:
8 Green Flags ✅ in Christian Guys
8 Red Flags 🚩 in Christian Women
8 Red Flags 🚩 in Christian Guys
We’ve all heard about the Proverbs 31 woman.
I wanted to start this blog by prefacing: the truest “green flags” to look for in a Christian woman are detailed in the Bible.
As much as I want my words to give you a roadmap for what to look for/be in a significant other, I’m just a person who doesn’t know much at the end of the day.
With that in mind, I wanted to set the tone well for this article. Women are told from all sorts of people who they should or shouldn’t be. I’m not hear to add to the noise.
So I straight up copy + pasted Proverbs 31 😂 I think it’s a must-read before we tackle this subject any further.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
✅ 1 ~ She handles emotions well
Women have always been seen as emotional, dramatic, ridiculous at times, and sensitive.
Being emotional is not a flaw. Not only did God design us with emotions, but emotions are one of the many beautiful ways we reflect God’s character. God experiences emotions, too – there are moments he’s angry, moments he’s joyful, moment’s he’s wept.
It’s not “weak” to be emotional. And it’s not a red flag to be hormonal. God designed women with a wildly intricate system that fluctuates day to day – and we’re out here labeling mood swings as weak, silly, ungrounded, and toxic.
I will counter that by saying this: the green flag woman will still experience the mood swings, but she won’t allow the emotions to dictate how she treats you.
It’s the same for guys: it’s a red flag if your emotions control how you treat someone. It’s not like flipping a switch. Sure, it may be harder to have self control during certain situations. But no level of difficulty justifies poor treatment.
Emotional Maturity = Communicating Well
A lot of women will say they “just want a guy who can read them.” A guy who’s sensitive to their emotions. A guy who will notice if they’re upset, angry, or sad.
It is true, guys should develop a level of emotional awareness that will grow as you spend more time with the other person. But a godly woman will also be willing to communicate how she’s feeling. It’s not fair to blame a guy for not noticing, when you haven’t said a word about how you feel. No man is that magical – they can’t read minds.
✅ 2 ~ When she says, “I’ll pray for you,” she means it
In the past, I’ve said “I’ll pray for you” and I never followed through.
Sometimes it’s just a simple mistake of forgetting. But if a woman makes a habit of saying she’ll pray, and neglects to pray later, it might be a smaller symptom of a greater issue in overcommitment and untrustworthiness.
Praying for someone you told you’d pray for is a small commitment. But it demonstrates in a tiny way how a woman follows through on her promises when no one is watching, which I believe is very telling of someone’s character.
No one can keep you accountable to pray for the person you promised you would. Your only witness is God. No one would notice if you forgot, and there are no consequences to forgetting.
But staying true to that promise ~ going out of your way to pray for that person, even just briefly ~ acting faithful even when no one is looking ~ caring so deeply about others, you take time out of your day to think of them ~ these are the subtle marks of a godly woman.
I’ve had to work hard at this one!
I actually keep a note in my notes app on my phone with ongoing prayer requests. Each time I see a friend, I try to ask how I can pray for them. Right then and there, I whip out my phone to write it down. It’s helped me out of that rut of promising to pray for someone and then forgetting.
Guys, pay attention to the little things. I know it’s hard to know if she really is praying for the people she says she is, but this just an example of the little things that actually mean a lot when you’re looking for a godly spouse.
Look for small evidence of faithfulness and following through with commitment ~ and you will find a women who will be faithful with the biggest commitments of her life.
✅ 3 ~ She has opinions… and shares them with wisdom and kindness
Women should have strong opinions, convictions, and beliefs about the big things in life ~ but how she shares them should demonstrate wisdom and kindness.
We are at a beautiful point in history where women’s opinions are finally being valued. Up until now, women’s voices were quieter, less valued, and brushed aside. I feel so lucky to grow up in a world where my opinions matter, too.
BUT – bittered by years of being told to stay silent, there’s been a counter-response that swings wildly to the other side. Women screaming their opinions, belittling anyone who disagrees. Women leading with anger, not gentleness.
Shouldn’t women be allowed to be loud after all this time? Of course. But it isn’t about “what’s allowed.” It’s about what is right.
Within a relationship, the woman who strongly communicates her opinions with gentleness will be able to remain gentle when she has big opinions about you. And she will (LOL).
Does she argue with jabbing remarks, become defensive easily, and allow her anger to speak?
Or does she share her opinions** with kindness and gentleness, discern when the appropriate time to share comes up, and hold her ground with respect while maintaining an open mind?
**Guys, it is so important to provide a safe space for your SO to share her opinions. If you constantly shame, argue, or question her, she will not feel safe sharing her convictions with you.
A godly woman will know when to speak, what to say, and how to say it (tone of voice and all). Pay attention to how she shares her convictions.
✅ 4 ~ She’s knows her worth (and how she’s worth pursuing)
A godly woman will have a close, intimate relationship with Jesus ~ and from that relationship comes an awareness of her worth.
A woman who lets her insecurities consume her, degrading her worth and allowing guys to take advantage of her, is a woman who probably isn’t ready for a relationship.
It is from a deep understanding of her worth that a woman establishes boundaries, protects her heart, and discerns what behaviours are inexcusable.
In short: if a woman know her worth, she knows what not to put up with. She knows she’s worth pursuing. She knows her high standards are not “too high.”
Guys, pursuing a woman who knows she’s worth pursuing is so much more rewarding. Instead of rejecting your efforts or idolizing your pursuit (because she feels undeserving of any pursuit, even God’s), she will respond with thankfulness, gentleness, and most importantly: pursuit back.
✅ 5 ~ She shows she can provide & prepare well
This is one green flag I pulled specifically from Proverbs 31.
A godly wife will be able to prepare and provide for her household ~ so how does a woman do that now, before she’s married?
I thought about some practical signs guys can look for in a green flag woman. Here are a few I came up with:
Finances: how does she steward her finances? Does she prepare for big expenses? Does she put savings away? How does she handle debt?
Relationships: Is she intentional with her friendships, providing quality time to the other people in her life?
Career: If she knows what career she wants, what is she doing now to prepare for that?
How is a woman preparing for the winters in her life?
I think this is an insightful question we can all ask ourselves. If a season of lower income is approaching, or you’re switching to long distance, or you’re scheduled to work on Sunday mornings and can’t go to church anymore ~ how are you preparing for that season ahead? Are you stocking your home with firewood and food, or are you just waiting for the cold to come?
Preparation is situational, but a godly woman will do the hard work beforehand to see the fruit later.
✅ 6 ~ She honors how men are wired
Men are wired visually. And a lot of women think modesty can be thrown out the window with their boyfriend or fiance.
If anything, modesty is even more important with them before marriage. Your boyfriend is obviously attracted to you, and tempting them before marriage puts you both in a rough situation.
This wisdom might look like honoring your SO by not putting him in tempting situations (like making out). It might look like discussing boundaries that work for both of you ~ and discussing what triggers you both have. It may just look like refraining from making dirty jokes if they make his thoughts drift in the wrong direction.
Honoring men can look a lot like naivety.
I know the frustration of refraining from a sexual joke or choosing modesty and being told “aww you’re so innocent.”
But a godly woman will seek how to honor you best. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t guard your heart.
✅ 7 ~ She’s quick to apologize + fast to forgive
I may have stolen this from a recent podcast I listened to (you can check out the Fierce Marriage podcast here, so good!).
I love this phrase because it addresses both when we do something wrong, and when our SO does something wrong.
I know I talked about apologizing in the post about green flags in guys, but I wanted to take a new angle on it here because it’s just that important.
Apologizing when you hurt your SO requires humility and denial of self. It also requires self awareness to know when you’ve messed up, as well as maturity to admit you’ve fallen short.
Couples who never apologize to each other will only foster bitterness. You are going to fail each other at some point.
Imagine a relationship where your SO apologized to you first, before you had to bring up how they hurt you. How good would that feel?
They say date with your eyes open and marry with your eyes closed. Pay attention to all the red and green flags when you’re dating. Keep track. Decide if you want to marry this person with eyes wide open to their flaws.
But when you are married, when you’ve made that commitment… it’s for life. Your spouse will let you down. You can’t just “break up” with them because they hurt your feelings deeply. So forgive fast.
This is a soft spot for me. In Nathan and I’s marriage, there have been things that have been hard to forgive. I remember withholding forgiveness for a short time because I felt so hurt.
One night, I was going through a bible study and journaling. That week was on forgiveness (which made me mad, really). I thought, here we go again, they’re going to tell me to forgive. They don’t know what I’m going through. They don’t know how it feels.
But as I kept reading, they didn’t condemn the unforgiving spouse. They just shared the gospel, plain and simple. I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I started sobbing. Because here I was, withholding forgiveness from Nathan, when God forgave me so quickly. And He had to go to the cross for it.
If you want a healthy marriage, you will want to learn forgiveness well. Look for a woman who forgives, because God forgave her.
✅ 8 ~ She loves Jesus (more than she’ll ever love you)
I saved the best for last!!
It’s easy to find someone who “loves” Jesus. They go to church, but live a life otherwise unchanged by the gospel.
A girl who really LOVES Jesus will probably scare you a bit. Because her greatest allegiance is to Jesus. And she will do what He wants her to do.
She will encourage you to grow closer to Christ yourself. In her wild, intimate relationship with Jesus she will put you in a position where you can’t afford distance from Christ. Because in order for you to reach her heart, you must abide in Christ’s first. Pursuing a godly woman, a woman who LOVES Jesus, will require you on your knees at the cross, on the same page with her best friend.
Guys, if a woman ever tells you that you’re number 1 in her life ~ she probably means well, but her priorities are out of line.
A woman who will never love you more than Jesus is a keeper.
Being second ensures you are not burdened with the task of being your girlfriend’s only safe space, security, comfort, treasure, or identity. Because she finds those things in God. Being second makes you a gift rather than an idol.
Those are all the green flags I have for now!! Comment below if I missed any:)
Jesus loves you friend! Bye!