Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
It has been a long time since I put my thoughts to a page.
To be honest, I think there are seasons to speak and seasons to be silent. The last 6 months have been a season of silence for me. I’ve been listening and learning so much. But now it is time to speak again.
As much as I’d love to be a consistent publication, my blog has always been Spirit-led. And the Spirit goes where it pleases. God has been teaching me so many things the last 6 months, and I didn’t have the wisdom to speak on those topics at the time. There have been days when all I hear is the voice of God. There have been days, weeks, even months when all I hear is silence. In short, this blog is God’s. And God is not confined to a weekly posting schedule.
I want to write about all the lessons God has taught me so badly. I have a note in my phone locked and loaded with blog ideas I’m stoked to write about. But it would be an injustice to jump in without providing some context.
When I was single, I always wondered: how do you know you’ve found the one?
Any married couple I’d ask always told me, “when you know you know.” That answer always peeved me. I’d wonder, yeah but, how do you know??
I never thought I’d understand that “knowing.”
But after knowing Nathan for just a few months, I knew.
Our hearts were on the same page. We loved the same Jesus, had the same goals, carried the same vision. He had strengths that compensated for my weaknesses. I had strengths that compensated for his weaknesses.
Unlike my past relationships, I was never left questioning our relationship. Nathan was clear, honest, and wore his heart on his sleeve. I didn’t have to question where his heart was at – he let me know before I could even wonder.
I’ll share our love story another day, but in 8 short months I got to know who Nathan really was, genuinely and deeply. I saw him at his worst and at his best. We shared joyful memories and frustrating ones. And through every hill and valley, Jesus remained our anchor.
And for a long time now, there has been no doubt in my mind: this is the man God wants me to marry.
So (as many of you know from Insta) Nathan proposed on November 4th. I said YES!!!
After we got engaged, we couldn’t wait to start making wedding plans. Part of that was housing, so we blocked out one day to look at a ton of apartments. Our hope was to just get ideas, but God had a different plan…
We’d gone through half a dozen apartments that day, and we only had a few left in the afternoon. I remember stepping into a particular apartment and sitting down on the living room with Nathan. We were quiet, just breathing. And the same feeling I got with Nathan, that same peace, came washing over me. This was going to be home.
After so much prayer and peace surrounding our decision, we signed a lease and I started moving in the next week. It was crazy!
It only took a few days to move in (turns out when you’re leaving all your bedroom furniture for your crazy little sister, you can fit everything you own in a tiny Honda Civic). Nathan continued to live with his parents, and would move in after we were married.
It was amazing and bittersweet and overwhelming all at once. But we didn’t foresee how difficult it would be.
Living in the apartment by myself, it felt wrong keeping Nathan out even though it was “our” home. I mean, we were both paying for it. I wanted him to enjoy living there, too – but we both felt convicted that we shouldn’t live with each other before marriage.
The apartment also became a super tempting space for us. Intent on abstaining, this was not a great situation. We had no accountability and we were completely alone.
So we sat down one night and talked it through. If we were going to abstain until marriage, honor God with our choices, and do what was healthiest for our relationship, something had to change.
So we decided to get married!
I had no doubt about Nathan. We both felt ready, and when I talked with God about it day after day, His reply was always “Yes, peace.”
So we gathered our immediate families together on November 22nd at a local restaurant. We wrote our vows and said them to each other in front of our families. Then we signed the marriage papers, Nathan moved into the apartment, and we got married!
I have to admit, when I dreamed of how my wedding would look like as a little girl, I didn’t imagine this. But I also have to admit: I’d have it no other way.
Having an intimate ceremony forced me to hone in on the bare bones of marriage. I had no decorations, no dress, no food, no venue to distract me from the vows I read that night. My focus rested on that commitment alone, which was humbling and beautiful.
I know a lot of people might see what we did and wonder, “what’s the rush?” And here’s the thing: if God told us to wait, to abstain any longer, to have a traditional wedding, we would trust him and obey unquestioning. We didn’t choose to get married quickly because our temptations got the better of us, or we were impatient for God’s timing.
This was God’s timing.
And knowing Nathan was the person God wanted me to marry, my eagerness didn’t come from a place of temptation, lust, or impatience. It came from a place of loving him so deeply, asking God and trusting his plan, and urgently seeking what would honor God the most.
I’ve been Mrs. Yorke for about a month now, and let me tell you: God has been teaching me some things. I’ve learned so much about relationships, patience, purity, selflessness, and being a new wife. And while I’m not an expert by any means, I hope by sharing what I’ve learned can help you grow closer to Jesus, too.
So if you want to hear more about…
- My new perspective on sex
- How I knew Nathan was “the one”
- The challenges about marriage I didn’t foresee
- How my relationship with God has changed through all of it
- Our struggle and eventual conviction about abstinence and purity
- And how different personalities respond in relationships (gonna do an enneagram blog or two!)
… then stick around, I’d love to have you:). (Feel free to subscribe at the bottom of this post so you get content straight to your inbox and don’t miss a thing!)
My life looks night-and-day different than it did 365 days ago, and that’s bonkers to me. To be honest, I’m excited for things to slow down a bit 😂 But if God is the wonderful author He is, I trust He’s writing a beautiful story for each of us (and that includes the seasons you didn’t expect).
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this, it’s this: God is the God for every season.
Getting into a relationship won’t suddenly fix all your problems and make you happy again. Getting engaged won’t do that, either. Getting married can’t be your heaven. Moving into your first apartment isn’t your promised land. Graduating won’t give you peace, and getting to that season you’re so excited for won’t be the paradise you expect it to be.
God is God now. And He will be for all your seasons. In all your seasons, peace comes from one place. In all your seasons, joy comes from one place. In all your seasons, strength comes from one place.
The future is bright. And each season is good and fun and exciting in its own way. But don’t seek peace, joy, security, or fulfillment anywhere else. That’s God’s domain.
I love you all – thank you for bearing with me on this crazy journey 😅 You are wonderfully made and loved by the King! Merry Christmas ♥️