Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Hello everyone!
So, it’s been a while since I popped on here.
Last summer we were living van life and traveling the west coast. It was almost a year ago exactly when we left for our “big trip.” That’s when I posted last – because I had so much to post about!
Maybe you read the blogs, maybe you didn’t – but the gist is that we lived in our cute little van for 9 months and had such an adventure. It really was awesome. Life changing, to be honest. I learned a lot about myself living in that van, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
BUT – van life is really hard.
Some of you are laughing right now, because you were one of the many who warned us beforehand. I can’t tell you how many times people wagged their fingers or rolled their eyes, asking if we were mentally stable upon making this decision.
We might be a little crazy! But a little crazy is good, right?
After a month of living on the road, truly away from our home state, we started to wear down. Working remotely got so difficult, and wifi was hard to count on. Did you know most coffee shops on the west coast just don’t have wifi? That is insane to me. The amount of times I barrelled into a coffee shop 5 minutes before a work call only to find they didn’t offer wifi was – absurd.
The other hurdle we faced was the culture towards van lifers. Contrary to what I’d seen online, the west coast was pretty unfriendly to us. Nathan and I are rule-followers and were very careful about following the law, but we still got screamed at once and kicked out of a spot at 4am by a security officer. That was enough to make us question things a bit.
Thirdly, van life appears cheap. But in order to really enjoy yourself while you travel, you can’t be pinching pennies. And we were on a shoestring budget, since I was the only one working.
Overall, I’m really proud of us. We tried something spontaneous, learned new skills, and gathered a lot of really fun memories. I don’t regret a thing. And I’ll probably post about a few of the adventures I never got around to posting about on here.
But after that big trip, we decided to call it quits and find a place to settle down. We sold our sweet little van (RIP), found a home in Castle Rock, and have been living there since September!
So why haven’t I posted in the meantime?
Another long story for another time.
But this brings me to the main topic of my blog today: creative paralysis.
Nathan and I decided to ditch social media completely in October, and until this month, I hadn’t truly set foot on Instagram. It was so refreshing and good for us. Truly, I will never again have the relationship with social media I used to have. I don’t even allow myself to visit the “reels” tab anymore.
But that break from social media put a pause on a lot of my creating as well. I asked myself, “do I want to be creating content for platforms I inherently disagree with?”
Social media is different than my blog, but I have a tendency to group all my “creative passions” under one umbrella. I think if I can’t do one, I can’t do any.
Let’s just have a laugh for a second at just HOW MANY creative outlets I’ve built for myself, all dormant or semi-active, depending on my mood:
- With Abba – blog/website, Instagram, Tiktok
- Annabelle.healy.writing – my old author IG account
- Creature_the_Coworker – an IG I set up for our cat Creature literally last week
- The Healy Clan – IG account for my family, funny office-style videos
- Belle & Nate – YouTube channel and IG account for vanlife
- Far Below Human Eyes – 1 book published, 4 more waiting to be published
- New pirate book – a YA fantasy I’ve been working on
In summary: I HAVE PROBLEMS.
I didn’t even list the half dozen other “business ideas” I’ve had. I tend to collect IG usernames, domains, podcast ideas, and business ideas, because I get an idea and want to run with it – but then I quickly lose steam and it joins the graveyard of other expired ideas.
My point is: I’ve felt so paralyzed by choice recently.
And as a result, I haven’t done anything.
I just buckled down in my job, focused on my marriage, and got a cat. All those things are great of course. But recently I’ve felt God tugging on my heart to create again.
So I’m back. Looking at the graveyard. Wondering which skeleton to resurrect.
This evening, I took a walk alone (Nathan is on shift), and paused to watch the sunset halfway. Here’s what it looked like:
I sat there looking out at the view for a while. Wondering what to do.
I’ve always believed I get my creative heart from God. He was the first creator. He was my creator.
And we’d been talking during my entire walk. So I asked him what he thought, and he told me to think about his creation, and how I can copy him.
Here are the things I noticed:
1. God created beautiful things, even if no one will see them.
In the past I’ve wanted to create things exclusively for others to see and admire. But God created beauty no human eye ever witnessed. And that’s such a flip in mindset to me. You’re telling me I can create something and live at peace even if no one else sees it?
2. When people do admire God’s creation, they give glory to him.
There is the other side of the coin: the undeniable fact that we get to experience and admire God’s creation, too. God didn’t create for us, but he also didn’t create without us in mind either.
It makes me think about my mission: I want people to see what I create and want God. I want to tease the appetite of your faith. I want to spark hunger for time with Jesus. Because sitting there with God, watching the sunset? That’s what I want for everyone I know. That’s what I want for myself. That’s the best part of my life. And I want to share it.
I believe God made me to create.
I get to do that in my job, which is really cool. But my heart aches for more – for creativity inspired by faith.
Anyway, if you’ve stuck with me through all of my highs and lows, all my dormant seasons and chaos seasons – thank you so much. You’re too patient. I wish I could give you a hug!
I’m going to try to create again. It might look different now, but I’m going to try. And if you want to stick around to see what I make, I’d love to have you.
All I know is that I’d live with a lot of regret if I didn’t create things for God for the rest of my life. So here’s to trying.
Talk soon,
Annabelle <3