Estimated reading time: 3 minutes:-)
Watching the numbers hurts sometimes.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stared at how many people read my blog for the week and felt my stomach drop.
Or watched my open rates for the W.A.S.P.P. Email plateau.
Or base the success of a message God gave me off of how many likes it gets on Instagram.
It hurts to put your worth in numbers, because no number will ever satisfy. No number will ever fill your heart. The moment you reach a number that makes you happy, that number won’t make you happy ever again. It’s like chasing the wind.
I remember about 9 months ago, I wrote a blog about my principle. And it was most successful blog I ever wrote. Over 120 people viewed it in one day, and over 30 people viewed it the next. It was outrageous.
I was stoked about it. I knew God had blessed with those views, and I was super thankful for them. But a greedy part of me thought I could replicate that success every week.
So in the weeks following, when my blog views slowly sank back to normal, I felt really disappointed. Life went on as if nothing had happened, and to this day that blog is the most successful ever.
Two weeks ago, my blog got 8 views. The worst views of the month, the last few months. And instead of giving God the glory for those 8 wonderful people, I felt discouraged.
How wrong I was to believe God couldn’t make something small successful, too.
That day, as I was feeling sorry about it like a wimp, and I check Facebook to see how it was performing. And I had one comment waiting in my inbox.
I opened it, thinking “Gosh Annabelle you’re a failure”, and I saw one of my sweet neighbors had shared my blog. One of her friends had stumbled across it and read it. She left the sweetest comment, followed me, and touched my heart. Her message was something along the lines of:
“This is the most beautiful, heart-filled, pure, and ever-so-impactful read… I needed everything in this. God is so good. So amazing. I love how He speaks… I could take off the HEAVY coat of life I put on and return to Him.”
I teared up reading this because God reminded me right then and there:
The numbers don’t matter.
What matters is that people are growing closer to God because of what I write, the kingdom is growing, and God is glorified!
I have to ask myself: is my agenda to get views, make money, hoard success, and build my own empire?
Or is it glorify my King, help people to know Jesus better, and build His kingdom?
The moments I stare at the numbers, I forget who I am and why I’m here. I forget why God gave me the gifts I have. I forget what is most important in the first place.
But in the moments I let my identity slip, looking at those low numbers, I MUST remind myself: the world may pin a number to my success, but God says “You are my daughter. There’s nothing you could do that would make me more proud of you than right now. There’s nothing you could say to make me love you more.”
I don’t care what the number is. For me, it’s how many people read my blog or watch my YouTube vids or open my emails or like my posts.
For you, it could be your weight, your SAT score, your grade, the amount of boyfriends you’ve had, you athletic record, or your follow count on Insta.
The world says, you are worth *this* much. No more. You’re only worth 2 boyfriends, 150 lbs., a 78 on a test.
But God says: you are worth my LIFE. You are worth infinitely more than you could fathom. You are worth me loving you every day even though you choose to sin. You are worth pursuing every second. You are worth loving, because I called you mine. I want you.
The world wants everything you can do. The world wants your best effort on a test, you prettiest face, you slimmest waist, your lowest weight, your biggest muscles, your best voice, your highest following.
God just wants you.
God just wants you. Read it again. God just wants you.
Don’t forget it.