Estimated reading time: 6 minutes:-)
Hate me or not, I’m the type of basic girl that declares it’s officially autumn by September 1st.
I think maybe it’s a disease. I can’t control myself. August ends and I wake up one morning getting that impulse to fill my room with ungodly amounts of pumpkins. I light candles every day in my room, even if it’s ninety degrees out. One day, I forced myself to wear a sweater and boots to work, and that day I packed boxes for several hours in a warehouse that’s not air conditioned. And the sad part? I don’t think I learned my lesson, even after sweating profusely for multiple hours.
For approximately the next 6 months, everything I order at Starbucks will have some amount of pumpkin spice in it. And I’ll only play music that fits the fall vibe when I drive.
Anyway, another thing I struggle with especially during fall and the holidays is singleness. And I know I write about singleness a lot, but God keeps teaching me about it, so blame it on Him! Just kidding hahaha. But still, I think it’s an important thing to talk about often.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what makes a godly man and a godly relationship, and how I can work towards being the type of person that godly man would want to marry. Obviously, I don’t want to work towards being better just to get married, that would be idolatry. I truly want to be become more like Jesus regardless if I get married or not, because I want to glorify and grow closer to God. But I don’t think it’s wrong to want to become more like Jesus for God’s glory and for being a light to those around me, too.
For a long time, I’ve battled to not idolize marriage. I know I’ve said this before, but I understand marriage isn’t promised to me. It’s not something I’m entitled to or deserve. And it’s definitely not something I should expect, but rather something I should pray for and find contentment with or without it.
But I don’t think God resents me for wanting to be married. Because a husband doesn’t replace God, he grows toward Him beside me. And that’s a beautiful thing, a beautiful thing I want so bad.
I wrote a letter recently to my potential future husband, and in it I included what God has taught me to be the qualities of a godly man. As you read it, think about what God values in a significant other instead of what the world values. Of course, my list is far from perfect, but it’s changing as I grow closer to Christ. Here it is:
I watched the sky tonight and I thought of you. I thought of how beautifully the sky testifies to God, how He crafted the stars each uniquely and intricately. Gosh, I thought, I wish I could share this moment with my someone. Not necessarily for romance, or anything like that, but just to share it. The sky was too beautiful for one person to behold. It was too beautiful, I felt selfish watching it myself.
You know how I’ll know you’re my person?
I’ll be excited to hear about the boring things you did in a day. Of course I’ll be excited about the exciting things, but I’ll be excited for the boring things too, because I just love hearing your voice and your heart.
I’ll delight in your smile. Not in what you can do for me. Not in all the ways you serve me, or make me feel special. Of course, those I will appreciate dearly. But I will delight in watching you beam, watching you grow closer to God, watching you joyful. I’ll know you’re my person when your joy brings me joy.
I’ll understand it’s okay to not like you sometimes. I’ll know you’re my person if I still love you despite our differences or disagreements. I may not like you in the moment, but I’ll never stop loving you.
I’ll praise God for you. I’ll know you’re the one when I fall to my knees in awe of God’s provision in my life because of you. I should do that for everything He’s done in my life, but particularly you.
I’ll want to talk to God with you. I’ll want to read the Bible with you. I’ll find more joy in inviting God into our time together than being intimate with you. I’ll want to put God first because of you.
I’ll know you’re my person when I get excited about the simple idea of you. And I’ll get more excited to hear from you. And I’ll get even more excited to just be with you. I know being with you might not always be convenient, or easy, or fun all the time. But I will always be thankful for you. I will never want to give up on you. And I will always, Lord wiling and through Jesus, find ways to love you even on the hardest days.
I’ll know you’re the one when I want to share the hard days with you. Not just the happy ones.
I’ll know you’re the one when I grow closer to God because of you, not farther away.
I’ll know you’re the one when loving you doesn’t feel like idolatry. When loving you doesn’t feel like I’m replacing God. When loving you becomes an extension of my relationship with Jesus. A thing that glorifies God.
I’ll know you’re the one when I don’t need you. When you are not necessary for my joy. When my fulfillment doesn’t come from you. When my identity is rooted in Jesus alone. When I view you as an imperfect person, just like myself.
I’ll know you’re the one when I want to do better because of you, not bend the rules to impress. When the standards are raised and I feel pressured, out of love, to reach for a higher bar ~ I’ll know you’re the one. When life with you is a little bit uncomfortable all the time, because we’re constantly wrestling against our sinfulness.
I’ll know you’re him when I want to apologize to you. When I’m reminded to humble myself because you point me to Christ. When listening to you is something I choose to do, even when it’s not easy. When arguing with you hurts. When I won’t want to go to bed without talking through it. When watching you suffer makes me suffer. When we bear each other’s burdens.
I’ll know you’re the one when you love God so much more than you love me.
That’s how I’ll know you’re him.
When I read over this list, I feel convicted. Because while all these things about “the one” are qualities of a godly man, when I measure those standards to myself, I fall quite short.
I have to ask myself: am I the type of person, that when a godly man does come into my life, he wants to put God first because of me? Am I apologetic? Am I selfless? Do I love God more than anything else?
These are the things I know I will never perfect. But they are the things I know I need to work on before “the one” comes into my life.
Maybe this is a season to grow. In those moments you feel the most lonely, the most jealous, the most frustrated, reach out to God and ask Him what He’s teaching you through this season. How are you growing closer to Christ while you wait? How are you taking up your cross daily while you wait for someone to join you?
Pray for the relationships yet to happen in your life. But also pray that God would humble you, grow you, and draw close to you in this season. Not a second is wasted with God.
Listen to the lyrics in this song. Read Psalm 56. Let God’s truth wash over you this morning. He loves you! And that is enough.