Hope as a Choice: Navigating Emotional Fatigue

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Psalm 31: 12-14
“I have become like a broken vessel.
For I hear the whispering of many—
terror all around!—
as they scheme together against me,
as they plot to take my life.
But I trust in you, O Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
deliver me from the hand of my
enemies and persecutors.”

January was a tough month. Anyone else?

My schedule has been packed, and my mental load is heavy.

Nathan started paramedic schooling a few weeks ago, which has been a huge time investment. I’m so proud of him, and he’s been crushing it! But he’s hardly had a rest day since starting, and we’re only at the beginning stages.

At my own job, we’ve been in an overwhelming season. With a small team, you have to wear a lot of hats – and my gosh, I feel like I have a whole wardrobe of them! Every day I end work feeling like I could have done more, faster.

In the midst of both our jobs/careers pulling us in a thousand different directions, we’ve battled sickness and emotional stress all month.

I feel stretched so thin, divided in too many places. It’s created in me this emotional fatigue when thinking about the larger issues surrounding us, happening all throughout our country. How do I research and speak eloquently about these things, when I can’t even get my own ducks in a row? All I do is pray for the things I don’t understand.

The purpose of this blog has always been to focus on what God has been teaching me, and this month, it’s this:

Hope is a choice, not a feeling.

I’ve been reading Psalms, and the verse above cut to my heart one morning.

I’ve always had a hard time connecting with the Psalms that talk about enemies. Unlike David, I don’t have a literal army chasing after me, seeking to end my life. So I’d often write off these verses as inapplicable.

But what caught me on this verse was “for I hear the whispers of many—”

I don’t know about you, but when I think of an army of bible-time soldiers brandishing weapons, I don’t think of whispering.

And I realized, the enemies here likely aren’t soldiers. To me, it seems like The Enemy.

During January, my mental health typically takes a bit of a dive. But this year was especially tough. And those whispers—I know them well. You probably do, too. When life presses in on you, pushing you from all sides, the whispers only get louder.

I follow Jackie Hill Perry on Instagram and she shared something last week that got me thinking. She explained how, if we’re children of God, as our relationship with God gets older, so should our faith grow.

For example, when you’re caring for a baby, you have to do everything for them. Feed them, change them, comfort them. As a young Christian, I felt this care intimately. I remember my fresh faith felt almost easier, the revelations came quickly, the hurdles didn’t seem impossible to leap over.

As your child grows, you urge them to learn how to do things on their own. Get dressed, grab your own dish, pick up your toys. Pretty soon you involve them in chores, you teach them how to find comfort on their own, you encourage growth.

I think in the same way, God steps back a bit as our faith matures. Not neglecting us, but with loving intention, he gives us the opportunity to learn, fail, and grow. I’ve found myself wondering over the past year or so why God hasn’t just swept in and made me feel better, or fixed the problem that kept me up at night. When my feelings didn’t improve as quickly as they did before, I questioned if God was still there.

Seeing Jackie’s video convicted me. God’s done giving me baby food, he wants me to move on to the meat of things. Which means discomfort.

It doesn’t mean God has abandoned me. It means he’s helping me grow. He can’t coddle me forever.

So this month, amidst the overwhelm and stress, God hasn’t just swept me up in his arms to make me feel better. He’s propped me up on my two feet, stepped a few paces away, and gestured for me to walk toward him. Like a toddler, learning how to walk, I’m learning to come back to him over and over again.

Before, comforted so quickly by the Lord, hope did feel like a feeling. It was given as such a free gift at the time. But now, when my feelings lack all the hope I once had, I’m learning it’s so much deep than a fleeting emotion. Hope has become my choice.

And hope can be your choice, too.

Trust me, circumstances will prove to you it’s illogical. Over and over again, your heart will break, and things won’t get easier. Over and over again, your silving lining will get thinner and thinner, nearly disappearing from view.

But a hope placed in God will not be disappointed. No matter what happens, I know at the end of it all, I’ll get to be with him. And you will, too.

Thanks for reading🤍 We’re one week into a new month, and it’s the perfect opportunity to start sitting down and spending time with God each day. So give it a shot! I promise you, things will change.

Love you, bye!