Estimated reading time: 5 minutes:)
Hey family! I know it’s been a while, but after a much needed break from blogging, I’m back:)
Man, life has been different the last few months. So much has happened, I almost don’t know where to begin. But I think this afternoon I owe you a bit of an explanation as to why I took a break.
This little blog is for me just as much as it is for you. The lessons God has been teaching me ~ well, I’m still in the middle of them. I just want to share a few things I’ve been wrestling with, and what God says about them. And hopefully you can resonate with something.
First off, I feel guilty writing about happiness.
Guys, God has blessed me with such a happy season right now. I feel like a child who’s been given so many undeserved gifts.
And part of me feels guilty for being so happy, I guess. A lot of people I care about are hurting right now. My friends have lost loved ones, I’ve seen relationships fall apart, I’ve watched cancer patients lose hope, I’ve witnessed people I care about wrestle with stressful work environments, and every day I’m reminded the world is a dark place.
But God has led me to these still waters, this wide open green space. The prayers I’ve been praying for literally years have been answered in the last few months. And I find myself really happy most of the time.
It doesn’t seem fair.
I look at the people I care about who are suffering, and I think, “that should be me. I should be suffering, not them.”
Honestly, this is the first truly happy season I’ve been in for a really long time. For the first time in my life, I feel like my body, community, dating life, relationship with God, work, and family life are healthy and good! Which has quite literally never happened before, at least not all at once like this.
And I want to talk about all the gifts God’s given me the last few months. But when I look at the world hurting around me, I wonder, “is it insensitive to talk about joy when the world is hurting? Is it insensitive to proclaim God’s provision when my friends or family don’t see it in their own lives?”
I don’t want to talk about these blessings out of boasting, or arrogance, or pretending I’m better than anyone else. I just want to share that God is good, that he answers prayers, that he has done amazing things in my life and he is worthy to be praised!
But sometimes I feel so guilty talking about any of that.
And I’m beginning to understand that guilt is straight from the enemy.
Sharing how God has redeemed me and blessed me is not selfish, it is worship.
And that guilt is preventing me from proclaiming God’s goodness.
I think in my pursuit of wisdom and discernment, I’m afraid of sharing the wrong thing at the wrong time. My happy season right now feels very untimely. I don’t feel like I deserve it, and it feels wrong for me to sing with joy when the people around me are suffering.
I just don’t want to share anything that discourages the one going through a tough time. I guess I want my stories to be a beacon of hope for the heavy heart, not an idol for comparison discouraging the one who’s at a different season than I am.
I remember how discouraging it was when I was at a dark place, scrolling through Instagram and seeing some girl boasting about how her life was perfect. That sucks, because you feel like something is wrong with you for not living your best life like “her.” And I never want the way I’m perceived by others to discourage them. Which I know I can’t always control, but still.
I just want to approach writing about this happy season with wisdom. Which is partly why I’ve taken a break from blogging. I just don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want to discourage anyone. I want to come alongside them and say, “there is hope. If God has redeemed me, he can redeem you too.”
Does that make any sense? I don’t know.
Also, I don’t know exactly *what* to write about these days.
For so long, I would write about the things I was suffering through at the time. Writing about the good things is much different than writing about the bad things. It’s weirdly harder.
If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know singleness is my specialty. I probably wrote about singleness at least once or twice a month.
Now I can’t really do that anymore. I’m learning new things in my relationship, but I feel like I don’t have the authority to teach from what I’ve learned yet. And on the flip side, I feel like I can’t write about singleness anymore because my credibility has been shattered (even though I’m the same old Annabelle I was before). It’s a weird spot.
Lastly, God has been teaching me I don’t need to share every lesson I learn.
My blog’s purpose is to share what God has taught me each week. And keeping that purpose in mind, I’ve learned to listen better for God’s lessons.
But from that innocent pure desire to listen for God, I’ve let my sinful desires slip in. And instead of listening to learn, I’ve been listening to create content.
I got into a habit of churning each lesson right out as a nicely packaged blog, instead of taking it to heart. Which defeats the purpose of the lesson to begin with.
So naturally, God gave me a few lessons I knew I shouldn’t share on my blog. And he helped me refocus. I’m learning, it’s okay to not write about every lesson God teaches me. Sometimes, they’re just between me and him. And that’s okay.
There have been so many lessons the last few months I’ve been itching to write about, but I know I can’t. Because they are just mine and God’s. So honoring that has been tough, but it also explains why I haven’t written as much the last few months. God’s always teaching me discernment, gosh darnit. Haha.
So anyway, those are the main reasons I took a break from blogging. But the break is over. I feel like God wants me to come back and wrestle through all these things the hard way: by sitting down every weekend and writing again.
Thank you for your grace. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I’m unprofessional and learning and still pretty young & stupid 😂
But to sum it all up,
Don’t feel ashamed for sharing the good things.
The enemy will try his hardest to keep you quiet. He will convince you it’s selfish and wrong to share your story of redemption. He will tell you your testimony is worthless, discouraging to others, or “braggy.”
Don’t believe those lies like I did.
When Jesus rose from the dead, God didn’t tell us to sit quietly and wait until the polite moment to say anything. He said go proclaim the good news to the ends of the earth.
Of course, it’s still important to share the good things with wisdom and discernment. But it is not wisdom to stay silent when God tells you to speak.
I’m excited to share the good things with you. It’s going to be hard, but as Mother Theresa said, “I am but a pencil in the hand of a writing God.” I am his, and he alone is my compass.
I pray the good things I share in the future can be encouraging rather than discouraging. We’re all in different seasons, and I’m figuring it out just as much as anyone! There is grace in every experience we go through.
I love you guys more than you know. And Jesus loves you even more! Happy 4th 🥰