Estimated reading time: 5 minutes:)
Hey blog fam! I know this week’s blog is a little late, but I still wanted to share what’s on my heart.
I want to be super transparent with you because I think sharing what’s been on my mind will 1) help me personally get out of this rut thinking “I’m the only one who feels like this,” and 2) hopefully encourage you if you are in a similar situation.
This season has been super weird for me.
Not in a bad way, but in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.
I’ve never had writer’s block. I’ve always had ideas pouring out of me faster than I can get them on paper. And I still have tons of ideas overflowing out of my mind, but for some reason I’ve had the hardest time sitting down and actually writing lately.
I don’t know if it’s a symptom of a dip in motivation, or if it’s God’s way of just telling me to be silent sometimes. But there have been many days in this season when I just feel as though I don’t have the words to say. Which is humbling and uncomfortable for me. I mean, I’m the words girl.
I’ve been caught at this crossroads between making big decisions in my life and waiting for God to tell me what to do. It’s a paradox of knowing God gave me the power to choose and He wants me to trust He will work through whatever my decision is, but also knowing God wants me to wait and listen for his direction.
I think I set these high expectations for myself in high school. I figured by now I’d have a second book out and I’d be going on book tours, on my way to becoming a bestselling author. But right now I’m just kind of growing and living and being a young adult. It feels too simple, even though I know it isn’t.
I guess all these jumbled thoughts are to say:
I think God has called me into a sort of desert season.
My words aren’t as rich. My worldly accomplishments have hit a pause. I don’t see a lot of harvest right now.
But I have to remind myself this is okay.
It was in the desert the Israelites came face to face with their deepest flaws. It was in the desert their trust was tested the most.
I am ready to let the ugly parts of me whither in the sun. I’m ready to trust there will be water even in the drought.
But it’s still super uncomfortable and humbling anyway. And I just want to encourage you: if you’re in a weird dry season like me, keep your chin up.
Flowers bloom on cactuses, too.
You might feel like you’re in a funk and you don’t know why. You might struggle to understand why God wants you to do such little, mundane, not-awesome things right now. You might struggle to focus on the menial task at hand because worldly success sings her siren song and it’s super tempting. You might think there’s something wrong with you for feeling so “meh.”
But remember. This season won’t last forever.
And God wants you here. He wants you right here, right now. Trust the author of your story. Every character is drawn into the wilderness sometimes.
Thank you for your grace while I trust God in the desert! I don’t see it right now, but I know there is something beautiful taking root while I wait.
I’ve been reading the story of David in 2 Samuel lately. I’m at the part where the people favor David and everyone knows he’ll be king one day, but Saul is hunting David down and trying to kill him.
At two different points in the story, David is given a prime opportunity to kill Saul. Saul, the man who’s been trying to kill him. The one man standing between David and his dream.
But at both points, David refuses to kill Saul.
His own men beg him to end it all, but David refuses. Because he’s confident if God wants him to be king, it will happen in God’s way ~ not his own.
And David does become king. Saul does die. But in God’s way. Which was so much better.
It makes me wonder: if my dream were held out to me on a gold platter, tied up with a pretty little bow and no strings attached, would I have the strength to say, “no, I’ll wait for God’s plan”?
You know that one thing you want most? What if it was sitting right in front of you, and the only thing you had to do to get it was grab it for yourself? Would you take it?
David is a man after God’s own heart for many reasons, but I think this is one of the biggest: he wholeheartedly trusted God’s timing and God’s plan. And from that deep trust came obedience.
Am I obedient to God’s plan? The plan I don’t understand?
Maybe He brought me to the desert exactly for that reason. I don’t know. But it gets me thinking.
Anyway, I hope you can at least find comfort in God’s plan for your life today. There are days I am terrified because I don’t know what the heck I’m doing with my life hahaha, so if you feel the same way, know you’re not alone! And God is with us in those roiling emotions as we step into a future invisible to us.
2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Today, remember what God’s presence feels like. Power and love and a sound mind. Trust the author of your story.